So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
