You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
