dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
