apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
