Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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