Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
