I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
