i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
