how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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