My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
