It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
