im about as happy as oj after his trial
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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