i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
