shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
