i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
