What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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