ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would ride that face into the sunset
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
