Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
