oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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