seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
