Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
