new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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