2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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