oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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