Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
