I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
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Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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