Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
