There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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