I wish i was in the wii world.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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