Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
well I can't set my house on fire every night
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I believe in your delicious
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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