yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
