how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
