i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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