Do you still have your period?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
