if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
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so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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