I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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