I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
