i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
