at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
