he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We smell like vodka and hangover
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
