What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
