Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
