So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
