Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
