Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
