the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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