His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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