He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
whose ass print is on the piano?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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