Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
