he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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