Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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