you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
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You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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