lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
