you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
