its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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