I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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