Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
