got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
