if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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