Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
