just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
