I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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