At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
