So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
