do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
