you guys were way drunker than both of me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
