tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
