i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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